The Mess I Made
by SystemsMalfunction
Summary: Short fic from Santana's point of view. How she feels about her and Brittany.  Song: Mess I Made - Parachute.  :D


"Should've kissed you there  
>I should've held your face<br>I should've watched those eyes  
>Instead of run in place"<p>

We were shopping for prom dresses. Me and you, and some other kids from glee club. I don't remember who was there; you're the only one I care about.

You were sat on that couch, and I didn't want to face you, with all my flaws and imperfections, the devil in the red dress when you yourself are raw beauty. There is nothing wrong with you in my eyes, nothing, and I despise Stubbles McCripple Pants for making you feel so damn bad about yourself.

I stared at you for most of that outing, and all I could feel was Kurt's eyes on me. For today, I wasn't sure I cared. It was supposed to be me taking you to prom, slow dancing with you instead of the endless boys who you were going to be with, they had all been on your kissing list I guess, they 'tasted blood and wanted more'.

Kurt already knew we were best friends with benefits; I could blame my leering on that. He probably didn't care anyway; he has Blaine to think about. I wish I had what they had, but I'm a bitch and I don't even deserve you.

But God, I want you so bad. All I have for now are my stolen glances and my hope that one day I will take a chance.

One day, I will get up and dance with you.

"I should've called you out  
>I should've said your name<br>I should've turned around  
>I should've looked again" <p>

You walked away from me. I refused to wear the shirt you made, and you walked away from me.

I didn't know what to do Britt; I couldn't be known as 'Lebanese', you saw how they treated Kurt.

He was bullied endlessly and threatened by Karofsky on multiple occasions, I can't let them do that to you Brittany, I just can't.

You're my life and I can't let anything bad happen to you.

Which is why I let you walk away from me, if I was any weaker I would have told you everything, and the kind of love I feel for you Britt, is scary.

"But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
>I 'm staring at the mess I made<br>I 'm staring at the mess I made  
>As you turn, you take your heart and walk away" <p>

I'm sorry for not showing up on Fondue for two, and you had to interview Lord Tubbington.

I'm sorry for shouting at you when I thought you had publically outed me.

I'm sorry for not treating you right, for messing around with your heart and your head.

I'm sorry that you had to go to Artie and stay with him, because my conflicting feelings meant that when Puckerman came out of juvie, he was coming in and out of my bed faster than a revolving door.

I'm just sorry Britt. You should know that Dave is not my soul mate, he never was. Because I was always yours.

I'm sorry.

"Should've held my ground  
>I could've been redeemed<br>For every second chance  
>That changed its mind on me."<p>

Landslide.

It was always more than a song for us Britt, it was a story of my life started. When I saw you for the first time, you changed my life.

Do you remember how we met, it was the day of my mom's funeral and I had run away - I never was good with feelings – and you were playing in the park that I had escaped to.

You had cut your elbow on some bark whilst you were climbing down the tree, and I went up to you and you took away my pain.

I had asked if your arm hurt and if you were okay, and you replied: I just need a band aid, I can get one for your heart if you like?

You knew I wasn't sick or injured; my heart was broken when my mum died, and you offered to try to fix it. I didn't even know you, and I didn't know it at the time but _you_ were my band aid.

The Landslide brought you down, Britt. It brought you down to me, and you fixed me.

But I needed time. 

"I should've spoken up  
>I should've proudly claimed<br>That oh my head's to blame  
>For all my heart's mistakes"<p>

You told me you loved me. But that you couldn't break up with Artie.

I had poured my heart out to you, just to get rejected faster than Rachel in Run, Joey Run.

I wanted to be with you, with all of you. Maybe you knew I wasn't ready, I like to believe that but then I remember that you chose him.  
>And I can't stop the tears.<p>

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
>I 'm staring at the mess I made<br>I 'm staring at the mess I made  
>As you turn, you take your heart and walk away <p>

You love me. 

Brittany S. Pierce loves me.

After the blow to the gut that was 'nationals' you told me you loved me.

More than anyone else in this world.

Suck on that, Wheels.

You're my best friend, but you're also my soul mate.

And I'm just scared, that despite all this, I lost my chance.

~~~~~~~~~~  
>And it's you, and it's you<br>And it's you, and it's you  
>And it's falling down, as you walk away<br>And it's on me now, as you go

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
>I 'm staring at the mess I made<br>I 'm staring at the mess I made  
>As you turn, you take your heart and walk away<p>

And it's falling down, as you walk away  
>And it's on me now, as you go<p>

I need you Brittany.

~~~~~~~~~~

But oh, I'm staring at the mess I made  
>I 'm staring at the mess I made<br>I 'm staring at the mess I made  
>As you turn, you take your heart and walk away <p>

And this time,  
>I won't let you walk away.<p>

I love you.


End file.
